Chasing Glory

I don't recommend hanging around people who are living out their faith in a radical way - unless, that is, you want to have your complacency used against you as bludgeon of rebuke.
I spent some time a few days ago with a man who is currently living with more focused passion that anyone else I know. He knows what God is leading him into; he is convinced down to his toes that it is a significant work, and he is turning every gift, skill, opportunity and resource at his disposal to this purpose.
I want that. I yearn to have that kind of intensity about the kingdom work into which God has led me. I recognize some level of discontent, an annoying itch under my skin that doesn't exactly hurt, but keeps me from fully engaging in the work before me. I can't put a name to the problem until I get around this guy...this normal, down to earth, Jesus freak of a guy. He's like a magnet - he only attracts if you're flipped to right side, otherwise, he repels. Truly, many Christians find his lifestyle unappealing, extreme, unnecessary. He's chasing glory.
Chasing glory is kind of like chasing a tiger. Its an exhausting pursuit, but as long as that tiger is in sight, there's always enough in the tank for one more sprint. And what are you going to do if you catch the beast? He may turn on you and rip your face off. But you don't care because you're convinced that whatever happens will be worth it.
I chased a tiger once. A real one. In India. A few family members and I were in a National Park in India that served as home to several dozen tigers. We loaded up into tiny 4x4 jeeps and drove through the park watching monkeys and deer and peacocks while a park ranger on an elephant went looking for a tiger. If he finds one, we all mount up on elephants and go see it. I've been fascinated with tigers since I got my first set of Safari Cards (anyone?) as a kid, so I was giddy as a caffeinated squirrel. Our guide tells us he has been on this tour in this park over 30 times and only twice has the ranger failed to spot a tiger. Make that thrice. No tiger sighting or elephant riding for us. Bummer. Only later did we learn that its not terribly unusual for a park patron to be riding an elephant looking at tigers only to be knocked off said elephant by said tiger and badly mauled. Our guide asks, "are you still sad you didn't get to see a tiger?" Hmm...let me think about it...YES! I would gladly have taken the risk of getting mauled by a tiger just to be close enough to a tiger to get  mauled. Crazy? Maybe. But so is chasing the glory of God.
Something draws us powerfully toward seeing God at work in the world. If we have a chance to get close to that, even be a part of it, its pretty near irresistible. Problem is, it always feels like God is at work Somewhere Else. As though I need to go to India or Hungary or Romania to see God at work, to sneak up on His glory and maybe get close enough to be ravished by it.
But what if God is at work here, where I live?
What if He's doing stuff all the time right around me? What if I'm walking around in a tiger-filled arena, but instead of looking for God's glory, or being terrified by it, I'm hunkered down at a computer sipping Starbucks and planning the next paintball outing?
God, open my eyes up to Your glory around me and prod me in my behind with people who are consumed by Christ until I jump up and chase You down.

What if Donkeys...

Numbers 22 offers one of my favorite laugh-out-loud stories in the Bible, but only in the King James Version. (Yes, I'm a 13 year-old boy and the word "ass" brings involuntary twitches to the corners of my mouth.) So this guy Balaam is a professional "curser". A malediction for hire. And he owns it. Want him to bless the Israelite? If the price is right he will proclaim painless circumcisions and pleasant childbirths for all. Want him the curse the Israelites? Simply cough up the denarii and he will call down plagues upon the sheep and good health upon the swine. 

But God doesn't take kindly to His children being cursed for profit, by prophet. So He sends an angel to kill Balaam as he is on his way to curse Israel. Fortunately Balaam's ass is smarter than his owner. And has better vision too. The donkey sees the angel in the path and turns away into a field. Balaam sees no angel, so he rebukes the donkey for being a dumb ass, and the donkey gets back on the road. Next, the angel stands in the path at a point where there are walls on both sides. The donkey again turns away, smashing Balaam into the wall in the process. And again, Balaam beats the donkey and gets her going again. Finally, then angel stands in a narrow path where there is no avoiding him. This time the donkey just falls down, refusing to face the angel.  Now Balaam is really mad. He wishes for a sword so he can execute the donkey for her stubbornness, That'll teach her. But now something altogether unexpected happens (if its not unexpected to you, you might be desensitized to the amazing stories of the Bible). The donkey talks. And, only slightly less amazing, Balaam responds. Like this was an everyday occurrence. As though he and the donkey had been singing show tunes and arguing about which regions of Moab have the best night life for the past 20 miles. Balaam is so angry he doesn't have the bandwidth leftover to process that his ass just spoke to him, he just fires right back. I don't know what kind of sense of humor you have, but I think this is hilarious. The donkey tries to explain that he's just trying to help, but it takes the Lord opening Balaam's eyes and Balaam seeing the angel with the sword before his anger melts into tears of repentance. 

I love this story because sometimes I'm the donkey. I see people heading toward danger and I try to warn them and all I get in return is the modern day version of Balaam's abuse, "Stop judging me".

Also, I hate this story because sometimes I am Balaam. I'm on the wrong path and can't see it. Someone tries to warn me and I get defensive, offer excuses and try to justify my choices.

From both sides it brings to mind this wisdom from the wise younger (half)brother of Jesus: "My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: whoever turns a sinner from the error of his ways will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins." James 5:21-22

I am dying.
death hangs over me
a threatening cloud
a bolt could strike in between the next two heartbeats
even while i wait
death stands not idle
but encroaches slyly into my moments
slipping from shadow to shadow
at the edges of my awareness
presence felt yet unseen
while i laugh and work
play and pray and pretend
that the fortress of fantasy
i built will protect, preserve, life kept in the keep
ahh sweet pretense
blissful insubstantial wisps of security
it only lets me mis-remember the danger
mis-take false enemies for the true
another choice gently takes my childlike hand
like a father leading his small son across the street
die.
let it happen
no more hiding
no more fear
not an escape but a pursuit
what if something better lies beyond
what if the pain of letting go of this somewhat life
proves the prescription for finding life abundant
what if all that's lost makes space for all i need
these what ifs ring true
and the bells awaken me sometimes
and i die
i am dying
a little more each day
and find i am more alive than ever