Security Blankets and Toilet Cleaning

I am insecure.

That revelation may come as a surprise to some, while others are nominating me for Most Obvious Human of the Month.

Its actually difficult to say out loud; a bit easier to type.
I don't like admitting my insecurity. Probably because I'm insecure. Don't you love a good paradox?Totally secure people would have no problem admitting insecurity, and yet no need to do so. Ugh.

But before you start in with all the sympathy cards and garish "You're OK!" Mylar balloons, I should set your minds at ease - I have a security blanket. It wasn't hand woven by my grandmother, but it is in my DNA. Something about myself that wraps me up in confidence and positivity (ahh, snuggly).

And forget it, I'm not going to tell you what it is. That's like telling children (or the wife) where I hide the chocolate.

I hide my insecurities behind this blanket and feel protected and safe...until some heartless fiend comes along and rips the blanket out of my frail, quaking hands. Left exposed, I have no recourse but to wallow in self-loathing, making "gollum" noises and fighting back the urge to repeatedly croak "my precious".

I've learned that what I need is not a security blanket that someone can take away, but a major identity make over, like a Security Heart Transplant.

Cleaning toilets helps.
I'm a lot closer to who God created me to be when scrubbing public porcelain than almost any other environment in which I contrive to be.
I'm reminded in these latex-gloves-and-chemicals moments who I am and who I am not.
I can find true, unshakable, unstealable confidence in who I am in Christ. The truth that when God looks at me, He sees me as I was created to be, with all the uniqueness of my personhood and all the righteousness of Christ.
And I can gently but firmly set aside who I am not.
I am not who others wish I could be.
I am not who I sometimes wish I was.
I am not indispensable.
I am not invisible.

I am broken - I am loved.

I'm not sure I can explain how cleaning toilets helps me remember this about myself.
You're either going to have to trust me, or try it for yourself.
I recommend the latter.