on middle aged grad students

As I said goodbye to the program director of LCU's MA in Organizational Leadership at the end of Wednesday's entrance interview, reality hit me like a pool table falling out of a banyan tree: I am on the verge of committing 18-20 a week of the next two years of my life to online* graduate level education.

My heart rate accelerated from its usual Moonlight Sonata tempo to more of a Flight of the Bumblebee speed. My lungs seized in my chest. I had to sit down. If a mirror had been handy I would have been appalled at my pallor, I'm sure.

Over-reaction?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Its been 12 years since last I was enrolled in a formal academic course. I don't recall being a very diligent student then. And now, with a wife and two children, full time ministry, involvement in a small group, books to read, rooms to paint...and Guilder to frame for it! I'm swamped!**


So I'm a little apprehensive about my ability to devote the time and energy to these courses. However, I am convinced at a deep level that I need to be challenged and stretched as a leader. I need to descend into more effective leadership. Instead of trying to climb a leadership structure to a higher level, I need to learn to serve at a lower level and lead from humility, selflessness and a complete lack of self-consciousness. Integrity and character are what make leaders worth following - not knowledge. Knowledge: I have some and its pretty simple to gain more. Integrity? Its harder to obtain and maintain. This program has enticed me through its commitment to teaching servant leadership and personal integrity as the destination. My cohort and I will pursue these together.

So will I have time? Will I be able to afford the costs? These remain uncertain. Is it worth the effort? I believe the answer is yes. I'll leave the uncertainties to the One for whom nothing is uncertain. I'll do my best with the tasks set before me. And I'll enjoy the ride.



*For those of you who consider getting a degree online in the same academic category as pre-school graduation and S+ on the Kindergarten report card, please do a little more research. Its the real deal.

** A line from The Princess Bride, which, as Kyle Idleman says, "is a favorite among Christians, even though Kirk Cameron isn't in it."