Thinking about thinking

Whatcha thinking about?

This question, from pretty much anyone, but especially from my wife, hits me just wrong most days. Its like someone told me to imagine square circles or asked me what color is 7. It doesn't make sense. Why? because a lot of the time I'm actually thinking about nothing. That may seem odd or even impossible, but its true. At least I'm not conscious of any real, explicable direction to or subject of my thoughts.

But it feels dishonest to respond with, "Nothin'". So I usually make up something interesting. "Well, I was just thinking about how much I like being around you," or "I was thinking about how terrible life would be if we could read each other's minds."

I was challenged recently (through a book called "Renovation of the Heart" by Dallas Willard, which is so deep I have to come up out if it slowly to regulate the pressure to avoid the spiritual "bends") to consider the importance of thought in my spiritual growth. Of course, Thought is a broad subject, but one important aspect is that "whatcha thinkin' about" element. When I'm alone and not focused on any task, where do my thoughts turn? When situations arise to which I need to respond, do I spend time thinking through the variables and outcomes, or do I simply react like a hockey puck being slapped around by obligations and expectations?

I would like to think of myself as a thoughtful person, but that's like saying I would like to think of myself as humble person or a great poet or a superstrong flying vigilante who keeps the world safe every night between 10 and 2. Sure, it would be nice, but its not reality.

Can I become a thoughtful person? Can I discipline my mind, my time, to use the brain God gave me for more than just dominating people at Words With Friends? (I am pretty good at it, but not unbeaten)

I think its important enough to warrant some effort and attention. So here's to a week of more productive thinking. I guess we'll see what happens.