I am dying.
death hangs over me
a threatening cloud
a bolt could strike in between the next two heartbeats
even while i wait
death stands not idle
but encroaches slyly into my moments
slipping from shadow to shadow
at the edges of my awareness
presence felt yet unseen
while i laugh and work
play and pray and pretend
that the fortress of fantasy
i built will protect, preserve, life kept in the keep
ahh sweet pretense
blissful insubstantial wisps of security
it only lets me mis-remember the danger
mis-take false enemies for the true
another choice gently takes my childlike hand
like a father leading his small son across the street
die.
let it happen
no more hiding
no more fear
not an escape but a pursuit
what if something better lies beyond
what if the pain of letting go of this somewhat life
proves the prescription for finding life abundant
what if all that's lost makes space for all i need
these what ifs ring true
and the bells awaken me sometimes
and i die
i am dying
a little more each day
and find i am more alive than ever